Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Dark Girls.....

I stumbled across a video trailer about a documentary titled "Dark Girls." The title caught my eye because I am a "dark girl" in the eyes of many people as well as my own eyes. I clicked on the video and was glued to my seat. As I watched, I became emotional as I identified with some of the experiences of the ladies in the film. And then I got defensive as I watched the film a second time.

This film is about the negative experiences of several dark skinned black women. It talked about several different experiences that ranged from a dark skinned girl wanting to bleach her skin white to the experiences of our own black sisters and brothers prejudices against the different shades of brown within our culture.

I grew up in a small town for most of my formative years. I went to a majority white school as a young girl where I experienced some racial incidences but not a lot. I remember feeling somewhat self-conscious about my hair because it was frequently the topic of conversation with the little white girls in my class, but never once wished that I was white or lighter in color. I experience more of the black on black prejudices when my family moved to the city my sophomore year of HS.

I did experience some of the brothers preferring white girls or light skinned black girls, but in my mind that was just the preference of a few stupid, ignorant black dudes that I could care less about anyway. There were other black guys that liked dark skinned girls too. I guess for me, I experienced both sides of the issue, but I always gravitated towards the positive side (that there were just as many brothers interested in dark skinned sisters) glass is never half empty, it is always half full. I attribute my positive outlook to my mom, who always told me that I was beautiful....even though I did not feel beautiful through much of my school years. But I never considered I was ugly because of my dark skin. Yes, I did see myself as unattractive....but not because of my skin color. My mom would always tell me that I am so lucky to be dark skinned because when we get old, we don't wrinkle. Lighter skinned people wrinkled as they aged. So. with that said, I was happy to be

So....I asked myself, does this film reflect the current trends of our dark skinned youths growing up today? In my mind, this kind of thing does not happen in the homes of confident black women (like me). No way....we strong black women send off enough confidence to override the negative influences and opinions of the ignorant. Yes, the black on black prejudices are indeed there, but not in my family.

So I did my own experiment and asked a 15 year old dark skinned BEAUTIFUL girl this question.....If you could lighten your skin color would you do it? With an immediate response, this beautiful teen replied yes I would. I followed with another question...Why would you want to change your skin color? And she responded, because it is more attractive And then she asked me what sparked my interest in this subject?

I was stunned......... She was so matter-of-fact about it.....almost like she expected all dark skinned girls to feel that way.

I shared this information with my oldest daughter to see what she thought. I asked her because her fiancé is a handsome dark-skinned dude and she is excited about the upcoming birth of her son. She said, I would love to have a dark skinned son like his dad. Her daughter is lighter in color....but that does not matter in MY family.

She told me about the story of a 7 year old beautiful dark skinned girl whom is part of our family that frequently asks Kathy if she thinks she is pretty because she does not think she is because she is dark skinned.

I am devastated......... is this such a deeply enculturated issue that it occurs in families such as mine?

It is 2am as I write this. I can't sleep........

This cannot be.....not in my family..........

My self talk.....
What do I see in the mirror every day? I see a beautiful confident black woman. How do others view me....and I answer....others see me as a beautiful black woman and the few ignoranious people of the world that don't can go to hell. Why am I so confident? I had many of the same experiences of the women in the film, but those negative experiences did not scar my self esteem into adulthood. Why? Maybe it was the positive affirmations of my mom. Maybe it was the fact that all my siblings were dark like me. Maybe it is because I love myself. Maybe, maybe, maybe.......

Below is the video that caught my attention

There are TONS of beautiful dark skinned women around. Can't these girls see it?
Shades of brown......there's no "prettier" shade!! One of the most exciting times in my life was being pregnant and anticipating the beauty of my baby. Will she be dark like me....I hope so. Will he be light skinned....I hope so, Will she be something in-between...I hope so. IT DID NOT AND DOES NOT MATTER!!!

Once this video came up, a ton of videos just like it came up. I watched.... stunned. Where have I been? I guess in my own self-confident world!!!!!

Look at the beautiful black girls in this video......How can one deny the beauty of these women?? And if you can't see beauty in these women...then you are blind in my opinion!

God help us!!!!!
How can I make a difference....

But this is not just a black on black phenomenon. It happens with all people. Thank you Amy Preble for reminding me of this.... (She is my best friend at work girl).  Prejudice with obesity. Does it exist across color lines? Yes it does!!!! Have a kid choose "the lazy person"  out of a line of people of various sizes and I bet most kids would choose the fat person. As disheartening as it happens. It is in our society. How many obese people do you see anchoring on Fox News? None....How many covers of magazines are graced by beautiful obese women/men. Very few. It is in the culture.

We have the power to stop this and it is simple.....

Treat all people with dignity and respect! ALL PEOPLE!!!!!!! Love your neighbor!!!!!!!!!!! Love yourself!!!!!!!

HOLD YOUR HEAD UP!!!!! LOVE YOURSELF!!!!!! My mom taught me that, and I would like to think I have instilled that in my own children. But, we can only do so much when a society does not support, love all people and love yourself. God help us!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Hater Day......

I'm a do some good for my hater today
I'm a do some good for my hater today
Lord help me with tomorrow........

I don't want to be fake today
So all my haters gonna have to take a hater break today
I'm a bake a hater cake today
Buy em a shake today
Get em a t-bone steak today
We gone go and play sum ball today
And I'm a make sure that I don't ball hog today
Take ya to the mall today
Doing it all today
We gone ball till we fall today
I'm a share my world today
And I'm a introduce you to my family today
And share my God today
And how he made a way
And how he made my troubles fade away
This is hater day
And instead of wishing that all of my haters laid away
I'm a be like a teacher
I'm a give a "A" today
And take the other failing grade away

I'm a pay my hater's bill today
And I'm a be sincere and ask em how they feel today
May even cut their grass today
Take out their trash today
Or even leave em sum cash today
I will say something nice today
I'm a hold my tongue and stay outta them fights today
Give them the right of way
Cause it's hater day
I'm a pay my hater's way
Maybe hard today
But I'm a absolutely show the love of god today
Help em get a job today
And if they have to walk give them a ride in my car today
I'm a have my hater's back today
And I'm a keep it real, and won't put em on act today
As a matter of fact, I'm a help you win today
The mess ends today, I'm a make you my friend today

See right now, I want vengeance on all my enemies Let's keep it real
But it's really not about the way that I feel
See I don't wanna do my will, but the will of Christ
So even when you do me wrong, I'm a still do you right

Lord I'm gone try (Lord help me with tomorrow)
Not to punch this dude/girl in the eye (Lord help me with tomorrow)
Father give me strength( Lord help me with tomorrow)
Cause tomorrow I don't wanna slip (Lord help me with tomorrow)
I don't want flesh to get in the way (Lord help me with tomorrow)
Lord help me for tomorrow (Lord help me with tomorrow)
Lord help me for tomorrow (Lord help me with tomorrow)
Flesh make you wanna do thangs

I love this song by Canton Jones.

I try to live this song everyday. There was a time when I was very hurt over something that occurred on my job. Instead of lashing out, I went to my car and put this song on and cried for a few minutes...ended up playing this song 3 times before I started to want to live it. You see, I had to walk back into work with my head high, smile on my face and forgiveness in my heart.

Then there was the time when a person shared some hurtful gossip that involved me. My question in my mind at the time that this person shared this gossip with me was....why did you feel the need to share this information with me? What was your intent behind sharing this hurtful gossip. Some things are better left unsaid. But no.....people love drama. Forgive them Annette.

Then there are the people that love to judge everything I do and can't wait for me to make a mistake and then they smile in my face like they are my friends. Don't ya know that I know you are not my friend? The negative energy that fake people emit is seering and felt deep as they smile in my face. I know.... Love that person today Annette.

And then there are the jealous people....who hate ya because they hate themselves. I know who you are.... God help them because I can't.

It has taken many years for me to get to the point where I just hold my peace.....most of the time (I am not perfect).

Training....Going GREAT!!

Diet....GOOD....not great :)

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Attitude Mode

Today I have an I don't care what you think of me attitude. Well, I feel like that more often than not, but some days I am really bad. Maybe it is my hormones....yep blame it on the peri-menopause. Ya know, people are constantly judging me and judging you...every minute.
People need to live by this motto
& not worry about what I do!
It is human nature I guess. We all have this preconceived notion about how people should look and act and think. I hate that. I don't want to judge people....but I do. I am working really hard to stop judging because it does me or anybody else no good.

I was at the store today and a person who knows I train came up to me with a great big grin on her face. She came to me really excited. She said, guess what....I bought a membership to Brett's gym (a gym that I attend) and I left work and went to the gym and exercised 2 hours! I instantly judged this beautiful girl. The first thing I thought as I smiled encouragingly toward her was...."TWO HOURS!! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO FOR 2 HOURS IN THE GYM." I was smiling in her face and thinking she had no clue at the same time. I HATE PHONY know, the ones that smile in your face and think negative thoughts about you at the same time. I hate myself.....cuz I do that. But I am trying really hard to break that nasty trait.

Maybe this girl spent 2 hours in the gym learning the new equipment. Maybe someone told her that she needed to spend 2 hours to lose 10 pounds in a week...tons of misinformation out there. Maybe she just loved the atmosphere and was enjoying every bit of the experience. I don't know her story to judge her. But what I did see is that she was proud to be in a gym and that is awesome.

My coach's material has greatly helped me to recognize why I sometimes think the way I do or act the way I do. I am learning about some of the positive aspects of my self-talk as well as some of the destructive aspects of my self-talk (thoughts). He recently posted a blog that I liked, but actually caused me to dig around and find a blog that he wrote that I liked better.

Here are 2 of the blogs that I think about often ....(they are long, but worth reading)

Getting Real About Getting Real Part 1

Getting Real About Getting Real Part 2

So when I find myself wandering off of the straight and narrow (less traveled) path, I seek wisdom in material like Scott's stuff or books.

On another forum (, one of my favorite moderators is named Markus. I read his stuff all the time as well as he answers questions that people have on diet and training. It is a private forum for members only, but an invaluable resource to have. Like Scott,  Markus has the mental aspects of the game down. I have learned a ton from moderator on the web.

Training is on point, diet ok...but not perfect. I am trying to be on point 6/7 days....leaving 1 day to eat what I want. I think I can lose the weight I need to fit my new clothes the way I want having 1 cheat day. I need to limit my cheat day to moderation...not a binge. I have a problem doing that...I must admit.

Yesterday, we had a small baby shower for my daughter who is having baby #2. Her first baby is not even a year yet...feels like we just had her first baby shower.